Memory Agonistes – Reunions

Several years ago, I received a call out of the blue. The person on the phone – an enthusiastic lady – identified herself as a former grade school classmate of mine. I drew a blank: I had no idea who she was. She regaled me with memories of classmates, asking if I remembered “David” or had I seen “Mary.” I felt put on the spot – most of the names she brought up sounded familiar, but I could not place a name with a face. I was relieved when she told me she had married “Greg” and I really did remember him. Of course, throughout this embarrassing stroll down non-memory lane, I really was wondering why she called.

Then came the zinger: she wanted to make sure I got an invitation to my 25^th high school reunion.

Gulp.

Before she had called, I had thought about the fact that it had been 25 years since my high school graduation. But I certainly didn’t expect her call or, just as importantly, my ambivalent feelings on thought of a reunion.

Reunions can do that to people. I’ve spoken to many people – especially since I agreed to do Follies – about their feelings on reunions. Some love the thought of getting together with people from their past; others abhor the thought of meeting up with those that they have not seen in years. Some are indifferent. The range of emotions about reunions is as diverse as those thinking about them.

Reunions present us a time to remember collectively and a time to reflect privately. That’s what we go to them for – to remember those from our past and take a look at whom they have become. And that’s what those from our past do too – they come to look at us – who we were and whom we have become. The experience makes us take account of who are – for some of us, with pride, and for others, with regret. Reunions hold both recollection and reckoning.

For all of us, memory is a powerful aspect of being human – it is a basis for how we understand ourselves as human beings. Remembering something that has taken place in our lives is the first step for toward reflecting and either reaffirming our life choices or taking action to change them.

So what’s the reason for unease with getting together with people from the past and remembering? I think there are lots of reasons. Some people that have a personality trait of not thinking “backward” but only looking forward could be an example. These kinds of people can be brash, adventurous and straightforward – a person who lives life simply while moving on through life’s challenges. Some people grow to be more agoraphobic and do not want to see others. Some too may have bad memories that they do not want to relive – there are those people with whom we never were really comfortable is another possible reason.

But I really suspect much of “reunion discomfort” has little to do with others, but more to do with ourselves. When going to a reunion, we remember, reflect, and assess ourselves. It’s the time when we remember the past, with others, and then we judge who we are, alone. Judging ourselves is dangerous – it leads to change or perhaps the decision not to. And it is pretty hard not to do this at a reunion.

The reunion is a central plot device in Follies and its focus on remembering. It dominates the first act as the dramatic underpinning of the story and it frames the piece: Follies first and foremost is about a reunion. The former Weissman Follies showgirls and their husbands come to a reunion at the Weissman Theater to visit and remember. And by this remembering, this reunion provides a context for ghosts of the past to appear. Understanding and exploring the meaning of reunion is a key exercise for the actors in building the realism – and related the preternaturalism and surrealism – of Follies.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe it’s you.”

“Is that you? I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I’m here. You look great.”

“You too. I’m so glad to see you.”

So what’s so scary about that?

Next up – things to be scared about – memories that conjure the spirit world: Do You Believe in Ghosts?

For additional information about the production itself, go to The Arlington Players website: www.thearlingtonplayers.org.

If you have questions for the director, feel free to respond to the blog or email him at folliesdirector@gmail.com. Responses to the blog may be posted publicly; email correspondence will be private.